So there's this scene in Aladdin...

One of my favorite lines in the Disney movie Aladdin is when the obnoxious parrot, Iago, replies to a very obvious comment with, "There's a big surprise. I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die of not surprise!"

It damn near came out of my mouth when Rob of Whole Foods informed me that-- guess what?-- no sorghum flour was there today.

I had shown up in person, since I also needed millet bread. (Good news: they had millet bread.) Apparently "their supplier" was also out of sorghum flour, and they expect to get some next week. I asked to speak with a manager, and Rob informed me he was it. I gave him a quick run-down of all the trouble I'd had. He asked for the names of the employees I'd dealt with (LUCY and MILES, for the record.) And then he told me when it does come in, I can have it for free because of all the trouble I've had.

Hmm, suddenly I think I intended to buy the whole case! :p

Partial Foods

Well, Saturday, a.k.a. Sorghum Flour Day, arrived. I drove to Whole Foods without calling first-- hey, I needed more millet bread anyway.

I approached the customer service bar and gave them my standard special order line. They paged someone. The woman who originally helped me place the order appeared. I said, "Sorghum flour?" She took off. I followed. She led me to the flour aisle, where she started scanning items. "I special ordered it," I reminded her. She snapped, "Well you didn't tell me THAT." I replied, "Well, YOU'RE the one who ordered it for me!" She paused, then said, "Oh, yeah. Well, hang on."

Several minutes went by. She came back and informed me that the sorghum flour was NOT in yet, but would be arriving on their truck "tonight." I checked my watch. "It's six-thirty," I told her, "how much later is 'tonight'?" "Eleven," she replied. The store closes at 9. Yippee. I stalked off to the freezer, where I observed that the millet bread was gone. Asked at the bakery; nope, no more, not until Monday.

Sunday, yesterday. I had Jared call Whole Foods, because frankly I'm sick of them. He hung up and approached me timidly. He had bad news.

APPARENTLY THE ORDER WAS STILL NEVER ACTUALLY PLACED!!!

It did NOT come in on the 11 p.m. truck. They ordered it (everyone laugh!) and it should arrive on "Tuesday."

You know, for awhile I was afraid that my restricted, no-Wendy's allergy diet would negatively impact my blog. Never fear . . . Whole Foods is here!

Whole Pain

With the allergy-related dietary restrictions around here, I have discovered new and exciting ingredients. That's sarcasm. What I have discovered are hard-to-find, expensive, poorly-textured, half-flavored ingredients. In this case, I needed sorghum flour. Whole Foods did not carry it, but the employee I asked told me they could order it. She disappeared, reappared and informed me that an entire case had been ordered and it would arrive on Tuesday.

Guess what silly little me did on Tuesday? That's right. I naïvely drove right over without calling. Poor, sweet, trusting, stupid little Meg.

Naturally it was not there. Call tomorrow, they told me. I bought a $4 bag of potato chips (corn oil-free) and left.

Wednesday I called. Nope, it hadn't arrived yet. Call tomorrow.

Today ("tomorrow") I tried again. First John answered, then transferred me to grocery, which rang and rang, and then John picked up again. Still waiting, I told him. Hang on, he'll page them again. Holding (obnoxious music in my ear.) "Hello, bakery!" "I'm waiting for grocery," I said. Click, click. Silence. Pause. Dial tone. Drat.

Redial. John answers again. He transfers me to grocery. A different person answers. He takes my name and puts me on hold. Pause. Then yet ANOTHER person answers. I give him my name and spell S-O-R-G-H-U-M for him. Pause. Somebody answers, "Hello, grocery!" "I'm on hold with someone else," I tell him. "Oh sorry, I picked up the wrong line." *smacks forehead*

S-O-R-G-H-U-M man answers again. He has a speech problem which makes it very hard to talk with him. I'm trying very hard to hear over the baby who is screeching in her high chair and the static on the cordless. We manage to communicate that I ordered the flour on Friday. He informs me that my name does not appear in his special order book.

Now I'm ticked. I ordered in person, I showed up on Tuesday, and I called on Wednesday. If the order had never been placed in the first place, somebody should have picked up on that tidbit before now. I describe the woman who took the order. She is sitting right next to him. He begins to chew her out, then thinks to put me on hold. More obnoxious music.

Finally he comes back, has me spell S-O-R-G-H-U-M again, takes my name and number, and tells me the F-L-O-U-R will be here on Saturday.

Fifteen minutes wasted.