Vonage: Woo Hoo to You, Too

We've had Vonage (broadband phone) for several months now.

I categorically hate it. If I'm not experiencing random disconnections, there is so much intermittent static it's like calling from a tunnel. Or there's a delay, so that the other person isn't answering me for a full 2-3 seconds after I've finished talking.

Or there's no dial tone at all.

That was the problem today. Since my apartment has no cell phone reception, I was totally without a phone. So I e-mailed their tech support instead of calling.

Here's their reply. Tell me how THIS ranks on a customer service scale?

Dear Jared Clarke, [um, I DID type MEGAN into the box]

Thank you for contacting Customer Care.

We understand from your mail that you are experiencing issues with dial tone.

Please follow the instructions given below to troubleshoot the issue:

1. Open Internet Explorer from one of the computers connected to the RT31P2 router and in the address bar, type http://192.168.15.1 and press Enter.

2. Enter "admin" in both username and password fields when it prompts and click on "Ok".

3. Click on the tab "Administration" and then on sub-tab "FactoryDefaults". Now select "Restore factory defaults" as "yes" and click on "Save Settings". It should display "Settings are Successful".

4. Then it will ask to enter User name and password. So enter as
follows
User name : user
Password : [XXXXXXX]

5. Once this is done, disconnect power cable from all the devices inthe network which includes modem and RT31P2.

6. Connect the appropriate power cable to the cable modem.

7. Wait for two minutes for the cable modem to boot up, before continuing.

8. Connect the power cable, provided with the Phone Adapter to the power port on the Phone Adapter.

9. Wait for two minutes for the phone adapter to boot up before continuing.

10. Open Internet Explorer and in the address bar type "192.168.15.1"(without Quotes) and press Enter.

11. Enter admin as user name and password when it prompts and click "OK"

Click on the "Status" tab and then on the "router" sub-tab. Check for the Internet IP address. If an IP address is released, try to go online. If the Internet IP address is all zeroes, click on DHCP Renew. If an IP address is released, try to go online.

If the IP Address is still all zeroes, then Click on "Setup" tab and then on "MAC Address Clone" sub-tab. Select "Enable" under MAC Clone Service and then click on "Clone". Click on "Save Settings".

Click on the "Status" tab and then on the "router" sub-tab. Check for the Internet IP address. If an IP address is released, try to go online. If the Internet IP address is all zeroes, click on DHCP Renew. If an IP address is released, try to go online.

12. If you are able to go online, connect a telephone to the "Phone 1" port of the Phone Adapter using a standard phone line.

13. Wait at least five minutes for the Phone Adapter to boot up. The Phone Adapter's lights will remain off or blink until it is fully connected to the Vonage network. There may be updates that need to be downloaded such as new firmware or changes to your features. NOTE: Do not interrupt the configuration process by unplugging the power or lifting the receiver on your phone during the startup process. Interruption of the startup may result in interruption of service.

14. Once the Phone Adapter's status light is off, the Phone Adapter is ready to use.

15. Pick up the telephone receiver and listen for a dial tone. If you hear a dial tone, you can start making and receiving calls.

We believe this has assisted you in resolving the issue. If the issue persists, please reply to this email for further assistance.

1. What is the message you get when you clicked on "Save Settings"? Is it "Settings are successful" or "Settings are failed"?

We value you as a customer and are dedicated to quality customer service.

Regards,
Kanchan.
Customer Care.

I am not a technical idiot. I worked for Apple for a couple of years in my pre-Kid life. I even know what "http" stands for. I did NOT find this to be a reasonable troubleshooting suggestion.

Hubby fixed it. Woo hoo!

Now let's cancel.

Another Dr. Office

Last week I saw the doctor and had some lab tests run. He told me my results would be in by "Monday or Tuesday."

Tuesday afternoon, I called the office. I pressed 3 for lab results. Voicemail. Left my name and number. No call back.

Wednesday afternoon, I called the office. I pressed 3 for lab results. Voicemail. Left my name and number. No call back.

Thursday afternoon, I called the office. I pressed 3 for lab results. Voicemail. Left my name and number. No call back.

Friday afternoon (today), I called the office. I got wise and stayed on the line for the next available representative. I expressed my frustration (pleasantly!) to the woman who answered. She asked for my name. When I gave her my last name, she said, "With an E on the end, right?" Yes, I told her. Then she actually said, "Hmm, that's strange. I never saw your name on my list of messages."

Oh, okay . . . she just KNEW I used the spelling Clarke, "right?" But of course she'd never SEEN my name.

Anyway. My test results were fine. They came back on Monday and languished in my chart.

eBay Needs to Bid on Customer Service Skills

It amazes me, sometimes, how difficult companies can make the most basic tasks. Like changing the e-mail address associated with my eBay account. Simple, right?

Wrong!

I've been an eBay member since 1998. Since then, I've married (i.e. changed my name), moved several times, and recently lost access to the e-mail account tied to my eBay name. So, I wanted to enter a new e-mail address (and update my snail mail address.) That's it.

In order to change any information, it required that I enter my credit card number and address. Apparently this is a standard verification process now-- but I signed up before it was implemented, so this is their way of grandfathering me in. Fine. Entered my CC # and address, got an error message. Cannot verify CC #. I entered the number again, checking for errors-- nope. Still didn't work. Tried another card. Nope.

So I click on Help. None of the FAQ's were helpful. I clicked Contact Us. It said "Please select from the following list." The list below was blank, and the Submit button was grayed out. Telltale sign that their programming won't work with my browser (Safari.) I tried Firefox and IE. No luck.

I'm stuck. What now? I find the forum where eBay users can post to one another asking for technical help. I search that forum and find a link someone has posted for Live Help-- a realtime chat with an eBay rep. I click the link.

I enter a chat with the eBay rep. As I begin to type my problem, I noice ha some words are coming ou very srangely. In fac, i's almos like here is an enirely missing leer.

I pound on the T key. Nothing happens. Everything else on my keyboard works. I move my cursor into an unrelated window and begin to type-- the T works there just fine. I ask the eBay rep to forgive my gobbledygook as the T key is not functioning in the chat. (And, as fans of Wheel of Fortune will acknowledge, since T is the most common letter in the English language, going without it somewhat of a big deal.)

She tells me to turn on my caps lock-- THAT SOLVES THE PROBLEM. NOW I'M TYPING LIKE THIS. DID I MENTION I HATE CAPS LOCK? (AND WHY IN HELL DOES THE LOWERCASE T NOT WORK IN EBAY'S SUPPORT CHAT?)

That solved (except I'm "shouting") I get down to brass tacks. Why isn't my CC validating?

She asks if I have sufficient funds (they run a "test" charge of $1 to ensure the validity of the card.) Yes. And I tried multiple cards. I'm not in that much debt.

She asks for my address to manually check. I provide it. Then I add, "THAT'S NOT THE ADDRESS TIED TO MY EBAY ACCOUNT. I HAVE MOVED SINCE THEN."

"Oh, that's the problem!" she says. If the credit card is not tied to the mailing address on file with my eBay account, it won't verify.

BUT I'M TRYING TO VERIFY MY CREDIT CARD **IN ORDER TO** UPDATE MY ACCOUNT INFORMATION!

Yeah. What a fricking genius behind this eBay thing, I tell you.

NOW WHAT?

She suggests creating an entirely new eBay account. Okay . . . but then I lose all my 7 years' worth of feedback, I point out.

"You can apply to have your accounts merged," she says. HOW? She provides a link.

Wise to the game, I use the link before I thank her and leave-- good thing, because, like the Contact Us form, this form is also defunct in my browser.

"What browser are you using?" she wants to know. SAFARI, I tell her. I ALSO TRIED FIREFOX AND IE WITH NO LUCK. She suggests getting the "latest version of IE" as eBay is designed to work best with that browser. THEY DON'T MAKE IE FOR THE MAC ANYMORE, I tell her. LATEST VERSION IS 1+ YRS OLD.

"6.0?" she responds.

I smack my forehead. No, really, I did.

THE LATEST VERSION FOR **MAC** IS 1+ YRS OLD. BILL GATES GOT PISSY WHEN STEVE JOBS CAME OUT WITH HIS OWN BROWSER, PICKED UP HIS MARBLES, AND WENT HOME. NO MORE IE FOR MAC. STUCK WITH OLD VERSION.

She laughed, anyway. (Well, "LOL," which, despite its meaning, almost never involves an "out loud" component.)

SO WHAT DO I DO? I can't use the link to merge accounts.

"Use this e-mail address," she says, and provides me with one. I wanted to ask why I couldn't have that to begin with. Why must I navigate forms and bubbles and boxes and buttons when I can send off a simple e-mail so easily?

But I didn't. I already know. I am, after all, the Lightning Rod for Customer Disservice™.

(I have not yet e-mailed them. I'll let you know what happens . . . in the meantime, perhaps I'll go bid on some blood pressure pills.)