Burger King: Our Way, After Awhile

Why are drive-thru order-takers so all-fired eager to cut me off and announce my total before I've even specified which soda flavor I want with my combo? It seems to me that the rate at which they take my order is inversely proportional to the rate at which my food is actually prepared.

At any rate, she got terribly hasty and hit the "Complete Order" button after I'd ordered only Jared's combo. When I said, "I'm not done yet," and gave her my order, she gave me a second total-- as in, "Your first total is $4-something and your second total is $5-something." When I pulled up to the window, she said "$4-something" by way of confirmation. I handed her my debit card and said, "That's for two orders." "Yeah, I know," she replied. She closed the window. A minute later, she opened the window again and asked, "Are you paying for both orders with the card?" That's what "That's for two orders" meant. Yes, I told her.

First she handed me one bag. I peeked inside, confirmed it was Jared's burger and onion rings, and handed it to him in the passenger seat. (He refuses to drive on weekends because of his loooong weekly commutes. I don't have a control fetish or anything ;) Then she handed me one drink. In the cupholder it went. Then she handed me another bag and disappeared. I peeked inside . . . the bunless burger looked correct (imagine that!) but she had given me a spoon with which to eat it. I waited for her to reappear. "Can I have a fork and knife to eat this with?" I asked. She rummaged and handed me a fork. "Um, and a knife?" I repeated. Here it came. Jared said, "And MY drink?" I turned to the window again, which was now closed. Waited to be noticed. "And my other drink?" I asked. There it came.

Since I can't drive and eat a bunless burger simultaneously, I parked so we could eat. First problem: my Diet Coke was tea. And not just tea, but sweet tea. Look, I'm from SoCal, folks. Sweet tea is a regional abomination. Jared had ordered tea, so I asked if we could switch-- except he didn't have my Diet Coke, he had a second tea. Since he had not expected sweet tea either, he took the drinks and began climbing out of the car to go exchange them for Diet Cokes. I lifted the lid off my burger bowl . . . and recoiled. "EWWWWWW!" Jared stopped in his tracks.

A big, long, thick, black hair was nestled among my lettuce. This was even worse than sweet tea.

"I'll go in," I sighed.

I juggled the burger bowl and the two drinks. When I came to the counter, the man who had helped the drive-thru girl hand us our food saw me. "Are you missing something?" he asked. I could see the irritation on his face. I announced loudly, for the benefit of maximum embarrassment and chagrin, "No, actually, I seem to have gotten extra hair on my burger."

The manager came over, examined the hair, poked at it (ew!) and went to rectify the situation. She did refund my money (both orders! :p) and replaced my drinks.

When I got to the car, I discovered my burger was also ketchupless.

I'll take what I can get.